Glove Actually
It’s an anthology of sanitary love! Set during the holidays in Nitri-London, we follow a series of interconnected stories of love, sorrow, and self-discovery. The Polyethylene Minister develops feelings for a PVC dotted glove working in his household staff. A deadbeat synthetic-vinyl rockstar attempts to rekindle his stalled career with a holiday song about keeping your hands safe. A food service glove and mother of two suspects her string knit husband is unfaithful. A recently-single brown jersey glove forms a close friendship with his latex housekeeper, eventually discovering that he wants to be more than friends. And that’s only a couple of the stories in this elaborate tale of glove romance! Can the people of Nitri-London find true love by the year’s end? Just watch out for that Joni Mitchell album.
The Corrugated Box Office reports: “I saw the movie title come onto the screen, then there was darkness, then I saw the credits roll. Where am I?”
Starring Emma TPE Vinal and Directed by Richard Coated with Polyurethane
Rated R for Resistant to cuts
Cast-ablanca
It’s 1941 and Rick Supplychain is the owner of “Rick’s Depot Américain”, the most popular packaging supply store in the town of Cast-ablanca. This seedy, yet bustling establishment attracts all kinds of customers, especially refugees seeking freedom and the villains preying on them. Rick confronts a customer after hearing the song “As Tinted Wrap Goes By” only to discover it was requested by his former lover, Ilsa Laundrywrap. Ilsa and her husband VCI Laszlo are both refugees and they’ve heard that Rick has letters of transit that can help them escape. At first, Rick refuses to hand over the letters, still bitter after Ilsa suddenly abandoned him in High Perform-France a year ago. However, when Ilsa explains that Laszlo went missing around that time and that she regrets leaving without saying why, Rick’s cold heart softens. Will Rick Supplychain be able to get Ilsa and Laszlo to freedom before the villains of Cast-blanca get to them? No matter what, you’d better round up the usual stretch wraps because this is the beginning of beautiful free shipping.
Entertainment Biweekly raves: “Pretentious and trite, an exercise in self-aggrandizement, but the theater had popcorn with the cheese powder so I ended up enjoying the experience.”
Starring Handwrap Bogart and Directed by Machinewrap Curtiz
Rated NC-17 for No Cast film under 17 gauge sold
Beauty and the Beard Covers
Bouffant Cap is a young woman in a small village who dreams of something greater. Despite advances from the local hunk and hunter Hard Hat-ston, Bouffant finds refuge in the safety manuals at the library and her eccentric inventor father, Mob Cap. When her father goes missing one night, Bouffant journeys to the remote and cursed Disposable Castle to find him imprisoned by the claws of the Beard Cover Beast. Bouffant offers to take her father’s place as the Beast’s prisoner, which the Beast accepts. Over the next few weeks, slowly yet surely, Bouffant and the Beard Cover Beast develop a rapport with each other that soon turns into love. However, Hard Hat-ston eventually discovers their love and, enraged with jealousy, stirs up an angry mob to storm the castle. Can the Disposable Castle fend off the OSHA-violating mob of villagers? Will Bouffant and the Beard Cover Beast’s love persevere? This Valentine’s Day, be our guest and put our safety supplies to the test!
Variety Fair declares: “I am a Nigerian prince and if you could kindly provide me your bank account information, I will transfer $20 million to your checking or savings account.”
Starring Jerry Oversleevesbach and Directed by Sydney Polypropylene
Rated G for Great safety supplies only at PackagingSuppliesByMail
